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MAY 1, 2021, 03:15 A.M.

why must html be so complicated. why can't the browser read my mind and turn what i'm thinking of into code. this is bullshit

09:39 A.M.

So I got 5 hours of sleep. I don't think I had a dream last night? But the night before I had a pretty strange dream. Basically you'd enter another world if you stood on a doormat for a few seconds or some shit like that. Then you'd enter some kinda apartment? But it was huge. The guy I was with (the guide I GUESS) told me that he was being attacked by some being, which turned out to be a person in a shitty low-budget Big Bird costume. Fuck, it wasn't even a Big Bird costume, it was just a fucking bean bag with the person wearing some makeup. GOD! And you know what? I HAD THE EXACT SAME DREAM A COUPLE NIGHTS AGO. I haven't experienced this prior to that dream I had. Sure it may not be uncommon for most but it sure is to me. I don't dream much in the first place, so this is a new experience.

10:31 A.M.

As a non-binary person I really don't get why people get upset over people making attack helicopter jokes? A person I know IRL once told me something about that and I found it genuinely funny. I mean, with otherkin being a thing, people could technically identify as an attack helicopter if they can identify as a god or even a song and use neopronouns. Like AH-64/AH-1/Mi-24/A129/AH-56self/AH-1Gselves or some shit. I don't know, as someone who is non-binary (cough, he/they), I don't get why people get so pressed over something harmless. Maybe that's just me. Maybe it's NOT harmless and I'm a piece of shit for thinking like this. BUT I DON'T CARE! I believe I have every single right to express MY opinion on MY Neocities site as a person who this joke is generally targeted at.

14:15 P.M.

Feeling kinda sick to my stomach and I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe it's everything I ate today waiting to be regurgitated like the fetus in Silent Hill 3. I have a very bad relationship with food, I probably have a binge eating disorder. I'm slowly watching my chin melt into my neck and it's starting to look like some weird tumor. I don't want to live like this anymore but I don't know how to stop, nobody around me takes me seriously and my dietitian made me feel like shit the last time I saw her. She told me to not be picky (this was before I was diagnosed with Asperger's), but I can't help it. God it's so fucking infuriating! She was supposed to help me but instead she made me feel like it's MY FAULT for being like this! In 2019, there was a period from May to late June where I experienced something similar to bulimia and it was horrible. I don't like throwing up so my only option was to...uhhhhh I don't want to go into detail BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Basically I ate and forced it out of my body. It wasn't exactly bulimia but it was similar. I feel horrible and I want to just sleep for eternity.


I watched the Russian brick video. It made me feel weird, I'm usually desensitised to that kinda stuff, but the horrific screams made it really hard to watch. The fact that they had a baby made it so much worse. I am speechless. I literally don't know what to say, it was awful. I can't even imagine the horror on his face when he saw what happened to his wife. Jesus Christ. I can't think of anything to write here about it, I just hope he's doing well. (Although, I heard some rumours that he took his own life...if true, then that makes it so much worse than it already is.)